My darling girl,

Love will no longer wake you up in the middle of the night,

It will sleep soundly, alternating between holding you tight and giving you space to grow.

Love will wake up and make you breakfast

and this time it won’t demand anything in return.

But know that it will keep asking what will satisfy your hunger

And it won’t stop until you answer.

This time around you will have to learn to answer,

You can’t just say “whatever” like you did before.

In return, you will have the best meals of your life

 

Love will no longer talk for hours on end.

Love will listen with a soft tone.

Love will let you find your own voice.

 

Love will no longer have rules and structure.

Love will let you be angry, let you be wild.

Love will not take itself away at the sight of your tears.

Love will take care of you even when you mess up,

And it will say over and over “no you did not mess up.”

 

Love will no longer wear a fake smile

It will reveal itself clearly

Love will tell you when you’ve hurt it

And it will accept your apology the first time

No matter how you phrase it.

 

Because this time, my darling girl,

Love is trying just as much as you are,

Love can hear you even when you don’t speak

Love sees itself in you

And love wants to be with you

No matter the wreckage.

It starts with his hand grazing my cheek,

A kiss good morning,

Pancakes on a wooden table,

His boxers on the floor,

An old 90s movie,

Holding our breath,

as we hold each other.

 

I knew something changed

When he woke up before noon.

Somehow it makes his eyes seem greener,

Somehow it makes my heart seem lighter.

 

Today will be the day

Today will be the day for love.

I look over and see the towel

And it reminds me of the one we used to share.

Stained with our flesh and tears,

Covering our naked bodies as we ran through the house

Sometimes screaming, sometimes laughing.

Did we mean to build a home?

Mama used to call it “playing house,”

How we shopped for our groceries

Made love on the bathroom sink

Washed away our nightly sins.

I have not forgotten the trash bag

You dragged away that afternoon

Filled with all our dreams:

The groceries

The love

The sin.

You left our home

But I kept the towel.

And now a year has passed

And I am lying in his bed

Thinking about how long it has been

Since I longed for you,

How long it has been

Since I burned our house down.

He does not know my thoughts are drifting toward you,

He just grabs his towel and asks if I want to have it.

And I am lying in his bed

Thinking about how long it has been

Since someone has asked me that,

How long it has been

Since I wanted to say yes,

Because yes is the first step

To building a home

With someone new.

 

Except it’s already been built

And now I can see it

In the green of his eyes,

So I throw the towel on the floor,

Tell him I want him instead.